Friday random video: Teahupoo Surfing!

I was gonna post the 2007 Santa Surf Session, but I'm not sure any of those surfers are the real Santa.



Happy Holidays! I'm off next week, so don't expect many new posts.

Let's go to Make My Day Nat'l Park, kids!

A U.S. senator from Idaho -- not the men's restroom partyhound, the other one -- wants to lift the ban on concealed weapons in our National Parks. Right now you're not allowed to bring guns into the Parks at all, which has been rough on certain Americans, like Yosemite Sam:


As you can imagine, this topic has generated a healthy debate online -- and by "healthy," I mean "wild-eyed apocalyptic den of gunnuttery."

It would be nice to live in a Utopian society where all the bad people stay at home and we can count on individuals to live up to the social morals we hold dear to us. That would be beautiful. It would be nice if we could count on everyone to drink responsibly and not get behind a wheel of a car. It would be great if we didn't have to worry about a pervert putting an image of an erection in Disney movie just so he can laugh with his cartoonist buddies.

Yeah, those cartoonists and their damn buddies. Where's my gun?

There is no facility for checking my weapon when entering a local National Park. My choice is leaving the weapon at home (not an option) or locking it in my car. Another poor choice.

And MY choice is to abstain from mocking frustrated right-wingers who would rather clean a gun than kiss a girl (not an option) or merely point out that no one was holding a gun to your head when you decided to pack the ankle holster, just in case the Grand Canyon tried anything funny. So settle down.

You are a product of modern media. What if you are wrong on guns? What if Bruce or I had our gun in a N.P. and saved you or your family from someone who intended you horrible harm? Should we go to jail? Should we have our gun taken?

Okay, first of all, leave Springsteen out of this. You don't know where he stands. Secondly: a guy who always packs a gun and can't wait to be a hero is a FAR BIGGER THREAT than the hypothetical boogeymen in his own head. And that's without adding booze to the equation.

What if I had a grenade, and Charles Manson had escaped from prison and was camping at Yellowstone, and he came after your family with a rusty hatchet, and I totally blew him up? Shouldn't EVERYONE have to carry at least one grenade before they head out to enjoy nature?

Remember: just because you're exploring some of the most beautiful areas in the world, doesn't mean you should stop being scared of Bad Guys.

Shaun White: 100% pure gangsta.

I think Shaun White's recent brush with the law is kinda cute. In a world where pro athletes get arrested for shooting up strip clubs and/or strangling dogs, a snowboarder getting busted for horseplay is a disarmingly retro incident. Even . . . soothing.

Shaun must've known he was doomed, because how are you gonna say, "Officer, you must have me confused with someone else" when you look like this?


And, come on, setting off a fire extinguisher to impress a girl? He must've been WASTED on Mountain Dew!

What an Assateague.

I'm not exactly an expert fisherman, but I don't think this is how fish stories are supposed to work:

Ranger Dave Rapp noticed the brag on a popular Internet discussion board used by anglers who visit the national seashore.

The author wrote that she had caught 22-inch and 24-inch stripers (rockfish) on Assateague Island - a violation, as Maryland state law establishes a minimum length of 28 inches for this species.

So if this woman had the good sense to BRAG about the fish she caught, maybe exaggerate the size of her catch, she would've been fine. There's a lesson somewhere in there.

"The author also wrote that she was 'keeping this baby for dinner!' Included in the entry was a photograph showing the angler holding up the fish. Rapp noted that the entry was only a few minutes old and that the photograph appeared to have been taken inside of the park. He located, recognized, and contacted the angler, who was still on the beach within the park. She produced a 21-inch striper, and reported that she'd utilized a Wi-Fi Internet connection to post her entry from the park. A violation notice was issued for the undersized fish. "

Wow, that's some swift fish justice. What do you think of all this, Stripy the Striped Bass?


Ha ha! That's a great point! I'm glad you're one of this blog's official mascots! How big was the fisherman who caught you, by the way?

Ten-and-a-half feet tall? Wow. I had no idea fish stories cut both ways.

Taos totally caved, brah.

Taos Ski Valley has dropped its ban on snowboarders. Hell officially freezes over on March 19, 2008.

When I was growing up in New Mexico, I saw plenty of "TAOS SUCKS" stickers in the liftlines. Snowboarders love to play the sulky victim, but it looks like they're gonna have to find somewhere else to whine about.

I wonder how this affects Burton's $5,000 "Poaching Video" contest. Is Taos still fair game, or is it a lame duck?

There are only three ski areas left in the U.S. that won't allow snowboarders: Mad River, Alta and Deer Valley. So stock up on those "ALTA SUCKS" stickers while you can!

Friday random video: Dudes on bikes!

Dudes! On bikes! Bring the noise, gentlemen!



See you Monday.

Teddy Mather strikes again!

Longtime readers of this blog may remember Teddy Mather, the bear who is running for president. Recently he attended a presidential candidates' forum on global warming. Here's Teddy:


Maybe the U.S. Secret Service should start reading The Outsider too -- a little research could help them avoid looking even dumber than a guy in a bear costume.

We could see about a dozen guards: a combination of Secret Service and building security guards. Simultaneously, their radios started buzzing, “Bear in front! Bear in front! We have a bear in front!”

They shouldn't be throwing around lingo like that -- what's gonna happen when there's an ACTUAL BEAR sizing up Hillary Clinton for a snack? Think ahead, Secret Service. Jeez.

We were immediately approached by a Secret Service agent and told to leave. “There’s no protesting allowed here,” he said.

“We’re not protesting anything,” I replied.

If you’re here with a bear, then you’re protesting and if you don’t leave immediately, you will be ARRESTED,” the Secret Service agent said forcibly.

So . . . bear = protest? Then what do hippies equal? If hippies show up, does the Secret Service secure all area Dumpsters so they don't get raided? Democracy is confusing.

Anyway, Team Mather went ahead and ditched the bear costume in their car, then returned to the event. Smooth sailing? No. Security could still SMELL the bear on 'em.

As I was entering the event, I heard “WAIT!” hollered behind me. I turned around to see the same Secret Service agent who had threatened me with arrest just minutes earlier.

“I just want to let you know that we’re going to let you in, but we’re watching you. We know who you are. We know you’re with the bear. Any funny stuff and you’re going to be arrested. This is federal property and it won’t be pretty,” he said.

Ah yes, the ol' amendment to the First Amendment: Freedom of speech is allowed, but NO FUNNY STUFF. Especially on FEDERAL PROPERTY. Our national discourse would COLLAPSE under the weight of that rabid, radical group of enviro-anarchists: The National Parks Conservation Association.

The only thing more dangerous than a bear . . . is a bear who hands out stickers. Crisis averted!

Crazy, are they? Crazy like a TROUT.

Let's face it: fish are never given much respect for their smarts. Anyone who has ever reeled in the same fish, using the same lure, on the same day . . . well, it's hard to deny that fish are kinda stupid.

Or ARE they?

Trout leap to freedom in incredible escape from pond through eight-inch pipe

An "incredible" escape? That's like two notches above a Great Escape! What does that look like?


Okay, that's actually pretty impressive.

The resourceful fish are leaping 3ft out of the water and into an eight-inch pipe which brings fresh water into the farm near Alresford, Hampshire.

Following their instincts the trout, cousins of the Atlantic salmon, then swim against the flow for 30ft before finding freedom at the other end as they plop into a tributary of the River Itchen.

What does the warden -- er, fish guy -- think of all this?

"To be honest, if I were them I would be trying to escape too. Good luck to 'em."

Go, little fish, go! Here's the plan:


So simple, it's brilliant. The outside world is big and scary, but it beats life in the clink.

New photos confirm fuzzy li'l desert mice.

Adorabiologists have just taken the first photos of the long-eared jerboa, a little mouse with big ears who hops around the Gobi desert.

Let's have a look!


Awwww.

If you click on the link above, you can watch video footage of the jerboa digging a burrow, and another clip of one, as the BBC puts it, "hopping about."

Awwww.

(Via The Goat).

Friday random video: cheeky riot!

I won't be blogging tomorrow, so here's the video in advance.

It involves Peru, soccer, and butt-related rioting.

In Peru, Efrain Viafara, a midfielder for Sport Ancash, created an uproar when he used his buttocks to trap the ball. His bit of unorthodox skill was interpreted as a mocking act by Universitario players, who chased Viafara. Fans began to fight in the stands, then poured onto the field before the referee abandoned the game.

I like to go out classy at the end of every week.

What could possibly go wrong?

I gotta give this kid some credit. If you're going to set your bike on fire before riding it down a steep hill, make sure one of your buddies is videotaping it.



Also, make sure another buddy is prepared to come running and . . . just stand there if things go badly.

For a few seconds, Burton seemed pretty cool.

Via The Goat, I see that Burton Snowboards is offering snowboarders $5,000 for their best "poaching" video.

See, certain ski areas still don't allow snowboarders. So Burton's encouraging 'em to hit those slopes, and get video footage of them sticking it to the Man.

Initially, I thought this was a pretty bad-ass contest. But then I got to thinking: why should some snowboarder get $5,000 for breaking the rules, but whenever I show up at the supermarket without any pants on, all I get is TROUBLE?

This is a topsy-turvy world we live in.

This, however, was even MORE disappointing:

Burton has a list of rules for snowboard poachers, which asks them not to break the law and insists that they buy lift tickets at the resorts they’re going to poach.

Wow, way to co-opt the counterculture, Burton Snowboards. "Break the rules, kids, as long as you're still spending money! Riding without a ticket is SUPER WACK! Let's keep it X-TREME!"

Guess it was exciting while it lasted. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm almost out of bread and eggs.

Glacier Nat'l Park: threat or enemy?

Some people want to repeatedly shell Glacier National Park with a howitzer.

Other people think this a stupid idea.

I say we give the park 30 days to disarm, and then start shooting. We'll be greeted as liberators! Otherwise the disputed region will continue looking like this:


Unacceptable! There are probably bears hibernating somewhere in this photo -- and if we started shelling the mountainside, we could WATCH THE BEARS SCRAMBLE AROUND IN PANIC.

Lazy bears need to be taken down a peg. Also, Glacier National Park has stockpiled some truly hazardous chemicals. It cannot be trusted.

My new favorite video.

Great ski footage, and the music's actually good too! Wish that happened more often.



You would think watching all these crashes wouldn't make me want to go skiing, but you'd be wrong. My first two-three years of skiing, I thought the POINT was to crash at top speed.

Yep, my awesomeness hit its peak when I was about six years old.