Teddy Mather strikes again!

Longtime readers of this blog may remember Teddy Mather, the bear who is running for president. Recently he attended a presidential candidates' forum on global warming. Here's Teddy:


Maybe the U.S. Secret Service should start reading The Outsider too -- a little research could help them avoid looking even dumber than a guy in a bear costume.

We could see about a dozen guards: a combination of Secret Service and building security guards. Simultaneously, their radios started buzzing, “Bear in front! Bear in front! We have a bear in front!”

They shouldn't be throwing around lingo like that -- what's gonna happen when there's an ACTUAL BEAR sizing up Hillary Clinton for a snack? Think ahead, Secret Service. Jeez.

We were immediately approached by a Secret Service agent and told to leave. “There’s no protesting allowed here,” he said.

“We’re not protesting anything,” I replied.

If you’re here with a bear, then you’re protesting and if you don’t leave immediately, you will be ARRESTED,” the Secret Service agent said forcibly.

So . . . bear = protest? Then what do hippies equal? If hippies show up, does the Secret Service secure all area Dumpsters so they don't get raided? Democracy is confusing.

Anyway, Team Mather went ahead and ditched the bear costume in their car, then returned to the event. Smooth sailing? No. Security could still SMELL the bear on 'em.

As I was entering the event, I heard “WAIT!” hollered behind me. I turned around to see the same Secret Service agent who had threatened me with arrest just minutes earlier.

“I just want to let you know that we’re going to let you in, but we’re watching you. We know who you are. We know you’re with the bear. Any funny stuff and you’re going to be arrested. This is federal property and it won’t be pretty,” he said.

Ah yes, the ol' amendment to the First Amendment: Freedom of speech is allowed, but NO FUNNY STUFF. Especially on FEDERAL PROPERTY. Our national discourse would COLLAPSE under the weight of that rabid, radical group of enviro-anarchists: The National Parks Conservation Association.

The only thing more dangerous than a bear . . . is a bear who hands out stickers. Crisis averted!