Please, Oscar, do not test positive for anything.

Well, Floyd Landis had to surrender his Tour de France title because he cheated. Allegedly. (His parents still don't believe he's guilty, which I think is sweet. My parents better have my back when the feds come after me.)

So . . . who won the 2006 Tour de France? This guy:


Look how, um, happy he is?

If I were Spain's Oscar Pereiro, not only would I be able to spell my last name without triple-checking, I'd also be a little pissed off. It's nice to win the Tour, but being handed the winner's jersey 14 months after the fact just ain't the same. Is it, Oscar?

"These emotions, it is impossible to feel them in a ceremony like this one, which is organized so that everyone understands and sees that Oscar Pereiro is the winner of the Tour," the Caisse d'Epargne rider said. "The moment I received the profit of my work, I had mixed feelings, something between satisfaction and regret for what we were deprived of."

Yes, satisfaction and regret. Meanwhile, here's what a REAL winner's ceremony looks like:


That's Floyd Landis, sandwiched between a pair of ladies who are probably not named Satisfaction and Regret. In Paris. Fresh off his Tour "win."

Yeah, Oscar Pererioierereo eventually wound up with the shirt off of Floyd's back. But it's easy to see that he can't really capture the thrill of being named a champion, within sight of the Arc de Triomphe, as the whole cycling world watches him bask in his reward. Instead, he gets a press conference.

I think that's a shame. I hope he wins another Tour. And I hope they include four ladies in the ceremony.